Where has Edna been, and where is Edna going?

That's right, I graduated. The last month has been a weird mix of goodbyes and emotions and silly things like that as I left Etown (and soon, home) for good. I also hosted two visiting friends from Australia, who I'd met in Dalian and had come all the way to Central Pennsylvania to see me graduate/turn 21. First lesson of adulthood: hosting people is exhausting.

Oh, and I turned 21! On the same day as graduation, no less. I have to give a shout-out here, for my family threw me an absolutely incredible graduation/birthday party.

So anyway, the eternal graduation question: What now? Well it certainly isn't more education- after the nightmare that was my thesis, I have no soul left and you couldn't pay me enough to go to grad school.

So where am I going? Back to China is the logical (and correct) answer, but surprisingly, I won't be staying long.

I mean, I'm 21 and I've already spent a year and half of the last four in China, not to mention all the summers I went to Shanghai. If I go back now, I can see myself easily falling back into the China Bubble, oh that dreaded Bubble, and I want to go out and really challenge myself this time. I mean, there's so much of the world to see! So I'm realizing my wish to move abroad again and starting a slow-travel RTW (round the world) trip, beginning with San Francisco in two days. I'll spend a week there, then head back to Shanghai for about five weeks of pure family/friends time, then I'm ....moving to Singapore!

That's all I've got planned so far, I haven't even a job lined up yet- just a three-week volunteer gig with the Youth Olympic Games that will take me to the end of August. I'm tentatively thinking Australia or the Philippines by Christmas, but I mean with these things... who knows? The last thing I want to do is plan too far ahead.

And if I ever need a backup plan...Shanghai's not going anywhere.

My Mom/我的妈妈

In the spirit of Mother's Day, today's post is of -who else- my mom. She came to visit me in Dalian towards the end of September, and it was great to show her "my city" -school, apartment, friends, all that. 

This picture was taken at Xinghai Square. In writing this post, I started thinking that I took very few pictures of my mom.... Then I realized that an entire folder of pictures from that day is missing. Uh-oh.

Photo of the Day: Temple in the Mountains

(The woman walking is my aunt)

In Guangyuan, Sichuan Province, with my extended relatives, who were visiting some of their extended relatives in the mountains. We drove further into the mountains after lunch to play in the freshly fallen snow; after they parked the trucks they stopped into this Buddhist temple to offer some prayers since it was around Chinese New Year's. I don't know that it was frequented often but it looked well-maintained enough. I was politely told I couldn't participate because I wasn't a Buddhist, so I just took pictures.

Photo of the Day: Mountains in Sichuan

My cousin's uncle (my uncle-in-law? His sister is my aunt but we're related by marriage....) taking a rest in front of the gorgeous view of a VERY remote village in Sichuan Province.

We'd brought the whole family out to visit distant relatives in these mountains for Chinese New Year, and spent hours after lunch making snowmen, falling down hills, and having snowball fights. I realize now I should have appreciated the pure beauty I was in a bit more...but at that point I was still adjusting to living in China, and being in such cold weather!

Productive start to August

Sadly, today I have spent entirely on uploading pictures to facebook. I finally finished the week of May Holiday, and am now only three months behind on photos instead of four, wooo! Though I'd like to clarify it only took so many hours because the computer I'm using is incredibly slow, Not because I'm a moron. Plus I make sure everything is in chronological order, tagged properly, etc....I'd say my albums are pretty stellar.

Yesterday was much more exciting; Kelly and her parents took me to Zhouzhuang Village, an hour and a half outside of Shanghai. Though they'd all been there before, none of them recognized the place when we arrived because it's now become so commercialized; whatever was there previously (probably houses) has been replaced by stands of small stores, each selling the same touristy junk. Even after we passed through the official entrance, we still saw nothing for a while but crap shops and stands selling the famous local dish, pigs' hooves.

Once we actually reached the village it was pleasant enough to walk through; in older times it was a water-way town, think mini-Venice. Don't feel it was worth the 100 rmb ticket, but I guess it's a worth-seeing-at-least-once kind of thing. The bridges and streams and old houses were excellent for trying artsy stuff with my camera- working with different lighting and angles, black&whites, that sort of thing. I imagine it used to be incredibly relaxing to live there, along the water, before the tourists started coming (and being artsy all over the place). Then for dinner, they offered to take me to a really nice Korean restaurant since I mentioned I enjoyed Korean food after living in Dalian for a semester. I fell asleep in the car and when I woke up....we were outside Ben Jia!! I hadn't realized they were a chain, I just thought they only had the Dalian branch because of the Little Korea there....

After being dropped off at home I enjoyed a long, cold shower (out all day in the Shanghai heat, not pleasant), then went to The Hut to chill for a couple hours. Accurately described to me as 'the dive bar of dive bars,' it eased me back into the expat scene- which I sadly don't plan on becoming a big part of when I return to Dalian. Should've saved the shower for after The Hut though...I decided I'd walk home since the apartment was a few blocks away, but with the winds gone, even at midnight it was about 85% humidity, making it feel like 90 F (thank you, weather channel).

So I've got a few relatives here, who(m?) I've been somewhat ignoring all day; they're saying goodbyes to my eldest aunt and middle aunt who leave for the States tomorrow. Funny thing is I postponed my trip to Shenzhen so I could see the bunch, yet I've spent maybe ten minutes total in the same room as them (dinner) and then leave before they do tomorrow morning for the airport. I rationalize it that they'd be discussing people and things I don't know about anyway, and all in Chinese that's above my level. But to be honest, I also don't feel like talking about what my goals in life are and what I'm doing with my future because that's where the conversation always ends up. No surprise, they're the relatives on my dad's side. Plus my baby cousin is here and I really don't like children. They're always sticky, they're always throwing stuff, and they're so gosh darn needy.

As for Shenzhen, I leave out of Hongqiao tomorrow; got an 8:20 flight and E's picking me up at the airport at noon. My father got pissed cause he's a concrete planner and I'm a go with the flow-er, so after a week of arguing about travel ideas he told me I'm on my own and that I'll just have to "beg" for money from him when I return to Shanghai. I'm pretty sure I can make my 4500 rmb last eight days in Shenzhen, even with three or four daily trips into Hong Kong and saving some for my big weekend with Carol in Shanghai when I return. It's almost 650 USD, I think I've got bigger problems if I blow that much in a week.

I'm back...

...but I'd rather not be.

Maybe it's the way I left things at home, or maybe it's that I don't have anything to do here, but if I'm going to be doing nothing I'd rather be doing nothing in the States. At least there, I've got American television and my car. Here, I've got Olympics excitement practically slapping me across the face and Chinese traffic deterring me from wanting to really go anywhere.

The trip over wasn't so bad; the check-in guy was the same one who'd checked me in back in January, so we struck up a conversation and next thing I know he's handing me a new ticket at the gate and tells me, "I upgraded your ticket"- first class to Chicago! Then on the flight to Shanghai I found he'd placed me in the very first row in economy- plenty of leg room and a tv screen right in front of my face, with none of the responsibility of sitting in an exit row. I've never had a better 22 hours traveling. Certainly beats the 22 hours I spent on that bus to Taiyuan.
(However the taxi driver at the airport was upset with me; he said the drivers there wait five, six hours for a customer and I should've told him where I was going before he started driving cause he wouldn't make enough going to my destination. And my trip from the airport cost almost 100 kuai!)

So for this next month: originally the plans were a week each in Shenzhen, Beijing and Shanghai before going to Dalian. Now one by one all my plans are going to crap. Beijing's been scrapped (don't want to deal with that madness anyway) which leaves me with two weeks open in Shanghai, post-Shenzhen. However, I've been on travel sites for the last two hours trying to plan the latter trip and still have no true inkling when I'm leaving or coming back.

This is because my two aunts and cousin are leaving for the States on Sunday, and while I'm extremely happy for them that their visas were approved, I'm expected to stay at the Wu Yuan Road apartment until they arrive to say my goodbyes. I planned on leaving Friday evening for Shenzhen, but upon my arrival this morning at WYR I'm told no one's arriving til Saturday at the earliest. Mum says I can go ahead and leave Fri but please. I was raised with some sense of Chinese manners- I'd lose FACE for putting travel ahead of family. Good ol' face, the cornerstone it seems of all Chinese relationships.

Anyway so now I'm slightly peeved but mostly bored. What do I do for the next three days?? Again, if I'm going to be bored I'd rather be bored at my other aunt's place, with my own room, air con, WiFi and an ayi. Here, I feel guilty for asking them to put on the air con, am treated like I'm 12, practically force-fed every meal, and my laptop becomes nothing more than a glorified personal DVD player. At least I don't need the air con right now because of all the thunderstorms- the weather's actually quite windy and pleasant, an unusual statement for the end of July in Shanghai.

I should probably go out somewhere, but I've done all the sightseeing, minus some less popular sights like Sun Yat Sen's residence and the Shanghai Library. Besides, right now there are so many foreigners bustling about for the Olympics out there I'd rather take a nap. All the business of trying to figure out exact flight dates and times for the Shenzhen trip have worn me out, as well as the bleak prospects for the next three days. Those who know me know my biggest pet peeve is time-wasting*, yet it seems that's all I'm going to be doing....


*Those who know me would also argue I do a lot of time wasting. The distinction here is that I despise Unnecessary time wasting; time that is wasted because plans are up in the air, not time that is wasted because I don't feel like doing anything.

Bad Timing

Honestly, I don't think there is a single day that would be worse for me to leave than Monday, because I have so much unfinished business here in York.

If I hadn't spent almost a week in Jersey and Philly, I think I'd be ready to return. But when you spend one week, in the middle of three, on vacation from your vacation....the other two weeks just feel wasted. The first week I was terribly jetlagged so I spent a lot of valuable family time napping, and since I got back from Jersey/Philly, it's felt like a prepare-for-the-trip-back week. There are so many friends that I have not had a chance to see, and I've seen my family even less than my friends.

Of course, the fight with my father has done nothing to improve the family bonding situation. I only saw my sister for an hour on her birthday on Friday, for which I will feel awful about for a long time to come. I've started spending every night at Ryan/Lys/Nikol's apartment, so when I went back today to start packing, my mother and I had words. I've never seen her so disappointed in me, but it can't be resolved before 5 am Monday morning. Over 10 years of pent up issues do not become unraveled in 30 hours. Plus I'm just not at that stage in my life where I feel like I can put the past in the past and suddenly open up to my mother. How do I explain to my mother who I am, when I'm still trying to figure that out and it's changing on a monthly basis?

I also have no idea what I'm going to do once arriving in Shanghai. Whose house am I staying in, and for how long? If I stay with my aunt in Pudong, I most likely won't be able to venture out at all because her villa is so isolated. If I stay in my grandmother's apartment in the heart of the city, I'll go slightly mad of a humidity/over-concerned relatives combination. I've scrapped Beijing out of my August plans but do I still have the money after going to Shenzhen to tour the cities close to Shanghai? Hell, am I even still going to Shenzhen?? I'm really a go-with-the-flow kind of gal, so I wish I'd booked a hostel for my time in Shanghai, just to have for whatever the days and nights end up bringing.

In comparison to wanting to see my friends and settle things with my parents, this last reason's more selfish but...my laptop's gone haywire and I wanted it fixed before I left. Lately it's been loading only Skype and a few random sites (yet not Facebook or Google) so I uninstalled Firefox with the goal of reinstalling it, but after I did that it just went mad and nothing is reliably working anymore. I want to just reboot the entire system but I need to find my drivers first, which thanks to my mother's packing methods are hopelessly lost in the boxes in the garage that contain my entire life pre-China.

Though going to the Jersey Shore was definitely what I needed to finally relax, if I had just one more week, seven measly days, I could gain so much more out of this "recharging trip" that I'd originally planned. I'd see more friends, go shopping with my mother, eat at Texas Roadhouse, try out the Wii my sister got for her birthday, eat at least one sit-down meal with my family, play tennis and go running....

I feel like I've not done right by a lot of people these last 19 days, and when I next return to York it will be 2009, it will be winter, I will have two cousins and an aunt living in my parents' house, and I will be a second semester Junior in college. From half a year in China I felt like I grew so much as person, in light of the ups and despite the downs...now I feel disappointed in myself again, kicking myself for lost opportunities with people and not knowing who I am or what I want in life. Something about being here seems to always do that to me, perhaps it's best I leave? Even if I am leaving only to face completely sketchy Shanghai plans.

New Year's Eve

I'm tired so I'll make this quick....

Today was New Year's Eve so we went to my cousin's grandfather's grave (on her mother's side, not related to me) and set off fireworks and burned paper money and offered food, etc- the reason why, I didn't quite catch, but I figure it was because it's the last day of the calendar year....?

Then we skipped lunch in order to really feast at dinner that night- we went to a restaurant, 16 of us, and had about 30 dishes total, including an endangered fish that is toxic if cooked improperly...

...There was also much wine and warm Coke (that's right. they served us heated coke.) and bai jiu -a very concentrated liquor. People were standing and making toasts about every five-ten minutes but it was fun. It was loud. Eveyone's faces were already red after the first couple toasts were made! I actually felt comfortable and welcome, for this little while.

We went back home and watched soccer- Iraq vs. China (they tied 1-1) and then around 11:45 the fireworks started- it's not like Fourth of July fireworks here; it's every man for himself fireworks- I came thisclose to getting my feet blown off by a firework set by a 14 year old when it turned on its side at the last minute and flew towards the wall instead of the sky.
I did set off a couple by myself though- about five or six, evenly timed, came out of what seemed like an enormous spitball shooter. For being a whole bunch of fire and gunpowder, it was enormously exciting.

It reminded me very much of American New Year; there's much anticipation (and a spectacular tv special) and it seems as if the Eve is much more fun than the actual day- although I know tomorrow we're going clothes shopping (of course, per tradition) and we're going to be doing Karaoke after dinner. Things are looking better here in Sichuan, but I'm still not sure how we're going to pass six more days.