Where has Edna been, and where is Edna going?

That's right, I graduated. The last month has been a weird mix of goodbyes and emotions and silly things like that as I left Etown (and soon, home) for good. I also hosted two visiting friends from Australia, who I'd met in Dalian and had come all the way to Central Pennsylvania to see me graduate/turn 21. First lesson of adulthood: hosting people is exhausting.

Oh, and I turned 21! On the same day as graduation, no less. I have to give a shout-out here, for my family threw me an absolutely incredible graduation/birthday party.

So anyway, the eternal graduation question: What now? Well it certainly isn't more education- after the nightmare that was my thesis, I have no soul left and you couldn't pay me enough to go to grad school.

So where am I going? Back to China is the logical (and correct) answer, but surprisingly, I won't be staying long.

I mean, I'm 21 and I've already spent a year and half of the last four in China, not to mention all the summers I went to Shanghai. If I go back now, I can see myself easily falling back into the China Bubble, oh that dreaded Bubble, and I want to go out and really challenge myself this time. I mean, there's so much of the world to see! So I'm realizing my wish to move abroad again and starting a slow-travel RTW (round the world) trip, beginning with San Francisco in two days. I'll spend a week there, then head back to Shanghai for about five weeks of pure family/friends time, then I'm ....moving to Singapore!

That's all I've got planned so far, I haven't even a job lined up yet- just a three-week volunteer gig with the Youth Olympic Games that will take me to the end of August. I'm tentatively thinking Australia or the Philippines by Christmas, but I mean with these things... who knows? The last thing I want to do is plan too far ahead.

And if I ever need a backup plan...Shanghai's not going anywhere.

New Year's and reflections upon leaving Dalian

So after my last post, I had a couple days of free time to start packing. Which I did a minimal amount of before Sigma came to visit from Taiyuan. I finally had a chance to repay her hospitality when I'd visited in April; she'd also learned from my experience not to take the bus, but just to fly instead.

She arrived on the 30th, and we went to the Post Office to ship off about half of my clothes, and the tailors so I could get my buttons resewn on my jacket. While there, she decided to turn into a mitten into a case for her iPhone by buying a zipper and paying a lady 5 rmb to sew it in. I could hear the lady in Chinese saying to her friends, "She's a laowai [foreigner] so I'm going to charge her more." Well, 5 rmb is still only ~75 cents to us!

On New Year's we went to my friend Wayne's restaurant Brooklyn, where she met all my friends. I also used Sigma's visit and the New Year's partying as my one last hurrah as well- while showing Sigma around and while everyone was out for the night, I had a chance to say my goodbyes to all my favorite places and people in Dalian.

Just like Christmas, New Year's wasn't quite how I'd expected it to go. I had these grand plans to be at the pier, or the seaside, and watch fireworks...Instead I was at the intersection of Huanghe Lu and Bulao Jie, trying to get a glimpse of the fireworks coming from Renmin (People's) Square between all the high-rises. Still, I was very excited about the coming of 2009, and a new me; a clean slate and fresh start and every other New Year's cliché.

I took it easy but nevertheless Sigma rested most of New Year's so I packed a bit more, grabbed some Korean takeout, and Asheena came over to keep me company. Sig left the day after back for Taiyuan, and I went for one last night out.

All year I'd pictured a giant "leaving do" when it was finally my turn to host one. Every six months when contracts are up, they're taking place every two or three days; I must've gone to maybe fifteen after my first term in China (even had a 'mini' leaving party for when I headed back to the US and Shanghai for the summer).

However, after the last three weeks I'd had in Dalian, I was ready to make a quiet exit and just get out. Most of my closest friends had already left anyway, so I had hotpot with Asheena, Carol, and Matt- the three staples of my time there; they'd been there when I had arrived and would still be there for a good few months after I left. Carol and Ash especially meant a lot to me; we were like the Dalian and/or jaded version of the Three Musketeers. After hotpot we went to this bar I'd always wanted to check out- Transformers Bar, which was awesome- and just chatted until about 11. Then I went home, packed some more, went to sleep on the couch, and that was my last Saturday in Dalian.

The next morning, I woke up fairly early to finish packing- by the time I finished, my suitcases looked like they were pregnant they were so full, and I don't even want to remember how heavy my carry-ons were. Ash came over to help bring all my belongings down from the fifth floor, and I caught a cab to the airport on my own. Never said goodbye to my roommates, didn't say goodbye to a lot of the people I'd met over the months (though many of them were still nursing New Year's hangovers as well), and I called only two people on my way to the airport.

So it was a bit surreal, the way I left things with Dalian. It still feels that way, a bit. Maybe it's because I left once over the summer with the knowledge I'd come back, that this time because I was doing the same routine of packing and going to the airport, it didn't hit me that I wasn't coming back. Maybe because I'm still bitter about the last three weeks, I don't even care that I'm not going back. Because a city like Dalian takes on a life and personality by whoever inhabits it currently; it's not like Beijing or Shanghai or Hong Kong, with its constants no matter who comes and goes.

It wasn't until a week later, when I finally arrived at my house in York, that it finally started to sink in that I've left Dalian and my entire way of life for a year behind. It still hasn't fully struck me yet though, and honestly I don't think it ever will. Every expat agrees: living in China is like living in a bubble, a different reality. After re-entry, it's so easy to think, That year went by incredibly fast. Did all that even really happen? Or did I just Rip Van Winkle the entire last year? And most days I wake up and I'm still not sure.

As of late (pardon the depressing tone and cheesiness)

I haven't found much to do in Dalian anymore. I truly resent hurting my foot because I had to rebook a trip to Guilin, that ultimately was cancelled by the airline. My traveling partner has since decided to go there by himself. If I ever do see Guilin, it will be in a few years' time at the very least.

The weather has gotten extremely cold. Luckily I'm off the cast and off the crutches, for the most part. I have a limp though, and use a crutch every couple days or so to ease the pressure on my foot. China's extremely crutch-unfriendly though, so I try not to use it too often.

I had a coat, a dress, and two skirts tailor made at Erqi Square for 640 kuai (little over 90 USD). The skirts and winter jacket turned out quite well; the little black dress not so much. I didn't really give it much of a chance though; perhaps if I had let them refit it a little it wouldn't look that bad actually. It was just so different from what I had in mind for New Year's...not really fair to the dress now is it? The quality of everything in general though is fantastic, and fits perfectly to me. I'm still debating having a suit made, and a blouse to go with it.

As of the last week, I've become very intent on a project I've been working on. I have a lot of free time and if I didn't have this to focus on; I'd go mad. I'm alone now a lot. In the past week, I've gone from absolutely dreading going home to --> not wanting to come home but knowing I need to, to --> actually starting to get excited about coming home. I actually resent the events of late a little, because I don't want to be excited- it's such a drastic change in attitude in ten days- but it's better to be excited than still miserable, right?

I've actually started a list of Things I Will Miss and Things I Won't Miss about China. Some of it's quite amusing! I may post it after New Year's.

I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason; I try to regret as little as possible.
That being said, I've finally seen who my real friends are, and gotten the chance to hang out with my good friends that I'd been neglecting quite a lot for the Aston teacher group.

The next two weeks won't fly by, but I have enough plans that they won't drag like the past week has. I'm going to Harbin on Monday night, spending a day there, and coming back Wed morning by sleeper train. I'll try to find a church service for Christmas Eve or Christmas morning...but I will be waking up alone on Christmas, with no family, no tree, and no presents. [It's not really a terrible issue though because Dalian has not been terribly Christmas-y, I mean it IS China, and my attempts at blasting Christmas music feel cheap and American.] Sigma is finally coming to visit Dalian on the 29th, to celebrate New Year's with me, and I return to Shanghai the 3rd or 4th.

The in-between days are really all I worry about, since every day for the past week I have been waking up every day at 7 am, regardless of when I go to bed. The days therefore are really long and sometimes difficult to face.

Overall, I know I will be okay. I still don't regret much of anything I've done here, including my decision to stay another semester. I know it's not just the ups, but the downs as well, that are part of the growing experience that has been this year, of being 19 and abroad...nothing could really ruin the memory of the life-changing year that has been 2008. I'm coming out of this a stronger and better person; and after all, the greatest gift of the Christmas season is the prevalence of Hope, and I am brimming full of it for my future.

Again, apologies for the cheese....sometimes you need idealism to get you by.

Starting Over

I don't know why exactly I stopped writing. In fact, so much has happened in the last three months that I wouldn't even know where to start, were I to catch up from April 24th on.

What I do know, however, is that I have missed blogging. I read through my old entries and wish I'd kept with it, if anything just to laugh at my predictions for the future. The only excuse I have (and it isn't much of one at all) is that so much was happening, so fast, that I felt overwhelmed by it all and eventually gave up on blogging about it and focused on just surviving life in Dalian.

SO! I have decided to bring back the blog. I am spending another semester in Dalian, another five months in China altogether starting on Monday, and my first step in the grand scheme of my life is to outline some goals. (Hey, baby steps.)

1. In the next five months, I want to update at least three times a week (when internet access is available)
2. I want to focus less on making money and socializing and more on becoming proficient in Chinese.
3. I want to seriously consider taking the HSK.
4. I want to NOT know exactly what I want to do, but perhaps do research into grad schools or other career paths post-graduation.
5. I want to spend no more than 500 kuai a week (~70 USD)
6. I want to talk to my sister at least once a week.

==

For those who are interested, a brief recap of the last three months:
-May Holiday was a week on the Yangtze River, and a day in Chongqing/Dazu and a few hours in Beijing, during which I really started to become close with Andy Z and Leanna
-I returned to training with the Dalian Wolfhounds Gaelic Football Team
-Celebrated Cinco de Mayo with Kathleen and some close friends
-Sichuan Earthquake hit on May 12 and while we were about as far away in China as possible, it was extremely impressive how the country reacted
-My expat friends started getting stopped for visas and passports quite frequently
-Went to a housewarming party of another friend...became very social in general
-Went back to Beijing the weekend of the 16-18 with BCA again, met with Etowners
-Cancelled my trip to Shanghai for my birthday and celebrated with friends in Dalian
-However, because of the 3 day bar ban that resulted from the May 12 Sichuan Earthquake the week before we didn't really have anywhere to go after dinner
-Went to Beijing for the All China Gaelic Games June 6-8 => so far, the best weekend of my life
-My father visited the second week of June and after seeing Binhai Lu and Xinghai Square, loved the city
-Started tutoring a Korean student in Math and English for the Dalian minimum: 150 rmb/21.50 USD an hour
-A friend opened up a bar/restaurant called Brooklyn that is doing extremely well among the expats
-Come June, everyone started leaving! Expat turnover in smaller cities like Dalian is constant
-Finals were a mess! I really lost focus the last two weeks of the semester
-Went to Shanghai July 6th, met some friends, left the 9th back to the States
-Since being back in the States, haven't done much, but did go to Cape May, NJ to stay with Andy Z for a few days, then stopped in Philly on the way home to visit Amiekay for a night as well
-Yesterday was my sister's 12th birthday, but my father and I have had huge issues discussing my Future so I am currently living with Lys, Ryan and Nikol in their new apartment and feel bad about not being close to my sister
-Was not wanting to go back to China because of pre-Olympic madness, but since row with father, don't really know where I want to be right now. The US has my friends, but I can't stay at home; while Shanghai is extremely humid and housing is tricky...was going to travel but now don't know since my funds are low and my parents might not want to help me with expenses anymore....

So that's a decent, if not brief, overview of what my life has become in Dalian and the summer so far. I'll write more in the morning, I'm exhausted from the last two days of family drama.